There is Beauty Here

Dear Angry White Conservatives Mourning Romney's Loss: Chill Out

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 11:37:57 GMT

"Because many white conservatives only interact with like-minded people who come from the same racial background, it seemed obvious to them that Obama was going to be defeated on election night. With the defeat of Mitt Romney, they are experiencing the universal hurt that comes when reality interjects itself into a dream world and fantasy.

Many white people are feeling imperiled because President Obama’s win is being framed by the news media as a sign that people of color are gaining political power in the United States. The pundits keep talking about “the browning of America” and how the Republican Party will continue to lose elections if it just relies on white voters to win. I imagine that many white people, especially conservatives and older voters, may be feeling a bit obsolete as the country changes around them.

But I will tell you things that other people will not; I will tell you the truth even when it makes you upset.

The media wants to scare you with all sorts of talk about how, in a few decades, America will be a “majority minority” country. You “want your country back,” and people mock you for these sentiments. I am a good listener. Other people find joy in your tears and from the sad images of Mitt Romney’s headquarters, Republican rallies, and voters on election night. I feel your pain.

Guess what? Things are going to be okay.

First, we need to admit that many white conservatives have a problem. They are victims. I know that you do not want to hear that word. “Victims” is a word that only the liberals, progressives, Black people, gays, and feminists use.

Please hear me out. We know that most conservatives get their news and information exclusively from Fox News and other types of right-wing media. I get the appeal of this habit: it feels really good to be told that your point of view is correct, and that most of the country agrees with you, even when it does not.

You are very trusting people by nature. As conservatives, you are also very deferential to authority. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and the right-wing media have been saying that good white folks like you are being discriminated against by Barack Obama and his legions of black and brown people. There are supposedly groups of Black radicals who stand around outside polling places, looking all mean and angry, and a Black attorney general who hates white people. According to sites like the Drudge Report, there are roving gangs of Black people who live to waylay and beat up white people. Hispanic immigrants are sneaking into the country by the millions and taking your jobs.

A good many of you white people think things are so bad in the Age of Obama that you actually believe that anti-white “racism” is a huge problem facing the country. White men are supposedly the saddest and most oppressed of all groups , as recent research has revealed that many of them have lost all hope in the country’s future.

The right-wing media failed you. They lied and told you that Mitt Romney would win in a landslide. They cooked up stories about voter fraud and rigged polls that were biased against Republicans. The right-wing media machine betrayed you, its audience."

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YaY Let's Burn The House Down - NOT

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:46:32 GMT

Over the past few days, we've had Aventures in Borked Electrical Systems.

It started last Friday night with something shorting and making the lights blink on and off, rapidly. I could hear the furnace blower trying to start, so I went into the hall and pushed the thermostat all the way down. The blower started, but there was no heat. It behaved itself the rest of the weekend.

Come Monday, Rico came out and found out the main breaker where the electrical comes in was damaged and needed to be replaced. That meant contacting the electrical company and getting the tether ring on the meter unlocked, so he could remove it, and turn off the electric while replacing the breaker. That took place on Tuesday, and we thought things were fine.

Then more shenanigans happened Wednesday morning. Not three hours after I laid down, Michael was waking me up and telling me about things like power surges and big "pops". I got up, and I could smell electrical burning in the hallway. I immediately went outside and turned the main breaker off, then called Rico.

Rico, Alfons and others spent pretty much the entire day rebuilding the circuit breaker box, replacing the jumper between the halves of this house, and other bits and pieces.

We had electrical casualties. The LED on the stove is out. The fuse is blown on the microwave, and on my main surge suppress strip. My alarm clock is fried, and so is my speaker system, which obviously took a hit before the suppressor's fuse blew. Our router is dead.

Thank all the gods that things like the computers were protected by surge suppression or we'd really be hurting units.

The park is talking about reimbursing us for things like the microwave, provided they can't just replace a fuse. Turns out the previous owners of this house dicked around with the electrical system, adding extra wires and whatnot, and obviously did not have a professional electrician do the work. Every breaker in the box had been loose and therefore weren't functioning as they should. Of course, none of us had any idea of this till the electric was actually used - and freaked out.

I'm on headphones for now till I can afford to replace the subwoofer, which is the heart of my sound system. I found a couple of them on Ebay so maybe next month my Solstice present will be a used subwoofer haha. I also found some listings for the entire speaker system itself, at a much lower price than retail, so it shouldn't be hard to replace, even if the subwoofer I found gets sold.

I am very glad I am renting this house - that makes the park liable for any damages done by the faulty electrical system.

UPDATE: A few hours after writing this entry, the lights went out AGAIN. And again there were surges, so we had to throw the main breaker. Rico came out and verified that there were surges. He messed around with things and what happened? The outdoor light in front, which hasn't worked since we moved in, decided to come on. When I tried to turn it off, there were sparks and surges.

He took the fixture down and discovered it was a DIY job and what had they done? They'd screwed both wires TO the mounting plate. He removed it completely, then had to do a minor repair to the main ground coming in, and now things are fine.

Hopefully that's the worst of it. I'm still unplugging my computer when I go to bed, just in case.

He brought the dead surge strip back to show us the damage done. From the looks of it, the surge overwhelmed it and that's the "pop" Michael heard. I think the plug for my subwoofer was nearest to the damage; that would explain how it got hit before anything else did. The wires inside were burnt to a crisp up to where they hooked into the series of sockets.

Makes me wonder if that generated significantly higher electric bills because we were pulling in extra power that was simply being wasted due to the short.

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Obesity, Bullying, and other subjects

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 11:01:29 GMT

Why We Need More People Like Jennifer Livingston to Tell the World There Is More to Life Than Our Weight

Since the use of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) became widespread and pretty much replaced cane sugar in most of the USA's selection of soft drinks and processed foods, the weight of most Americans has been going up every year. The ratio of large-to-thin people is fastly leaning toward the large side.

Eating fat doesn't make fat but eating anything with HFCS in it, does.

The comments on the above article make me sick. So many people think it's perfectly within their rights to judge anyone who doesn't fit the Madison Avenue-pushed physique. What is ironic is a lot of the people doing the judging aren't exactly model-thin themselves (and thank Goddess for that; being too thin has more health issues than being too fat).

It's very hard to avoid things with HFCS in it, especially in this day and age where food prices are skyrocketing and pocketbooks are thin. Next time you go to the grocery, try to find a loaf of bread that doesn't use HFCS as an ingredient. What do you notice? Those that don't have that listed as an ingredient are far more expensive than their counterparts.

This is true for any food product which uses natural sweeteners compared to those that do not.

A great deal of Americans have little choice but to purchase foods that are too high in carbohydrates, and too low in vegetables and meats. A diet consisting of fresh vegetables, fruits, and meats can get pretty expensive - so if you're not rich, it's hard to follow such a diet. It's more likely that you purchase certain preprocessed dinners and other foodstuffs - and every one of them contains HFCS.

Why didn't baby boomers get fat as kids drinking soda? Because during their childhood most sodas were sweetened with sugar. These days you have to purchase an off-brand or order soda special if you want some with sugar instead of HFCS.

The same goes for your bottled teas, energy drinks, fruit-based drinks, etc. Look on the label next time.

You see, we in the USA are caught in a conundrum: We cannot afford a completely fresh, from-scratch diet but we have "the ideal body" constantly shoved down our throats, and not just by television and other advertising. How many times has your doctor got on you about the few extra pounds you carry around, even if your blood pressure and cholesterol are perfect? Those few pounds aren't hurting you, not if the rest of you is healthy.

There are a whole host of "hidden diseases" which contribute to extra poundage as well - but those who are quick to judge never stop to think that perhaps that large person has one of those.

I am a large woman. I also have a host of "hidden" diseases that prevent me from being as physically active as I'd like to be. In fact, those diseases have caused me to be entitled to handicapped parking.

I remember years ago, when I was at my local store shopping. A slim, elderly couple went out of the store ahead of me, and they happened to be parked in a handicapped stall right next to my vehicle. They got to their car before I did, and caught sight of me when I got to mine. The looks on their faces said it all: I was a malingerer who likely was using my mother's handicapped card to get away with parking there. I stared at them for a bit, then said to them, out loud, "I have multiple sclerosis." They were in a quick hurry to get out of there after that.

We are all tempted to judge others by what we see. If you don't think so, pay attention the next time you're looking at someone on the street (or a "personality" on the TV) and ask yourself what are your first thoughts. Are they a critique of how that person looks? How sexually appealing they are? How thin or fat they are?

October is Anti-Bullying month. I wish they would've had such a thing when I was in public school but back then bullying wasn't so much on the national radar because we didn't have the convenience of the Internet inflating the problem. That doesn't mean bullying didn't exist. It not only existed, it was just as painful to us kids who endured it then as it is for the modern kids of today.

I was one of those kids criticized for my weight, even though I was bright, healthy, and active. I was beat up a lot, had nice outfits ruined on purpose, etc. My mother fought the good fight for me and made sure I got a bus seat behind the driver, as well as talking to teachers and playground supervisors about why they were turning their heads to the violence being done to her kid.

There should have been more like my mother back then - and there should be more like her, now. Jennifer Livingston nailed it when she said that the best way to discourage bullying is by example. How many of you sit there and vocally criticize others, right in front of your kids? What, you don't think bullying is a learned behavior? Think again. It always was, and always will be, so if you don't want your kids to be bullies then stop being a bully yourself.

Nobody is perfect on the outside - even those who model clothing. Their thin-ness brings on a whole new set of problems that a large person will never face, and they're far more serious than those faced by a large person. No one SHOULD be that thin so please STOP holding that body type up as an example to "strive for". Do any of you realize how much money you mis-spend on diet plans, exercise equipment, and related items? It's a multi-billion dollar business and has it really done anything for you besides drain your pocket? The answer is likely a resounding "no".

Stop feeding that industry, and stop thinking that you should look like a Madison Avenue model. Eat the best diet you're economically capable of and do what you can to make yourself feel alive and healthy. Stop worrying about a few extra pounds and start worrying about how we all criticize one another over the most trivial of things. You can't take a walk in that person's shoes so you don't know all the factors that may have led up to them being a larger person. You also don't know if they are healthy at that weight - and frankly it is none of your business. Stop turning your sights outward and turn them inward, toward yourself and your family.

Teach your kids that size does not make them better or worse. Teach them that their skin color, their weight, their acne, or any of a dozen more visual things, do not define who they really are and what they are capable of. Teach them to turn a deaf ear to anyone who bullies them for their differences. Support your kids' self-esteem and that kid will grow up happy and healthy, regardless of size, skin color, gender identity, or other things which may make them subject to bullying.

Please don't be a sociopathic turd and point fingers at a woman like Jennifer and have the audacity to say she's not a good example for the community. She's an excellent example, and you could learn a lot from her.

Stop teaching your kids that it's okay to bully someone because they're different.

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I AM FUCKING ANGRY!

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 16:33:11 GMT

That's right, I AM FUCKING ANGRY.

I'm angry because Michael and I obviously don't deserve the least of courtesies just because we have to depend on SSI and SSDI to live.

It used to be that if they were going to withhold your benefits, especially if they needed information from you, you were afforded a courtesy email or telephone call.

But NOOO, NOT ANYMORE. YOU'RE JUST LEFT TO WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR MONEY. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS TO CALL, HAS TO ASK WHY THE FUCK IT WASN'T SENT ON TIME.

Social Security needed information from Michael about his housing expenses. They'd first called right before we moved and were told they'd have to wait because our expenses were about to change. OK, so we had expenses for July and August, and Michael was going to call in September, but then - guess what? HE GOT SICK. HE GOT VERY SICK. BEING SICK IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE FOR OUR GODDAMNED GOVERNMENT.

Noooo, it's not, and come October 1, Michael's check was conspicuously missing from direct deposit.

We got a hold of the woman responsible and she GOT HER FUCKING FIGURES. She found out he's not cheating anyone, he has barely enough to cover his half of the expenses, leaving little for things like clothing, toiletries and entertainment.

THAT'S RIGHT FUCKERS, ENTERTAINMENT, BECAUSE THOSE OF US UNABLE TO WORK NEED ENTERTAINMENT JUST LIKE YOU DO.

So don't tell me that is an unnecessary expense. I know from having to LIVE ON FOOD STAMPS that Entertainment is a very legitimate expense. In this case? It's half our Internet bill, because we FUCKING CAN'T AFFORD TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

NOW WE GET TO WAIT "A COUPLE OF DAYS" FOR HIS MONEY TO SHOW UP. And why's that, when all it takes is a few keystrokes on a computer? NO FUCKING REASON EXCEPT SHE'S GOING TO PUNISH US FURTHER BY MAKING US WAIT FOR IT.

This means ALL THE BILLS WE OWE ARE GETTING PAID LATE. SO STFU AND DEAL WITH IT, GAS, ELECTRIC, PHONE, ETC.

SORRY, US POOR FOLKS ON THE FUCKING DOLE HAVE TO EAT, TOO.

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A letter from Michael Moore

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 20:07:09 GMT

Note: I know some folks hate this man, but you have to admit that he speaks the truth in this letter. ~L

"President Romney" – How to Prevent Those Two Words From Ever Being Spoken ...a letter from Michael Moore

Thursday, September 6th, 2012

Friends,

In two months we Americans will go to the polls once again to decide who the president will be for the next four years. We will not be allowed to vote on those who wield the true power in this country. On November 6th we will not vote for the chairman of ExxonMobil or JPMorgan Chase or Citibank or the Premier of China. That day will come, but not this year.

Now, I know there are a goodly number of you out there who believe there's not a snowball's chance in Kenya that Barack Obama will not be re-elected to the White House. And why would you believe otherwise? After the incredible Democratic convention this week, with the best rock-em-sock-em speeches I've heard from a Democrat's mouth since … since, I don't know when. You can't help but not have a contact high after this past week if you are of the sort who believes in economic justice, peace, and a five-dollar latte. Right now, with the buzz on, you are sitting there thinking that your fellow Americans will turn out in massive numbers, either because they want to continue the Obama era or because they're scared shitless of the barbarians at the gate – or both. You're convinced that the Republicans have blown it with all their talk of the lady parts they want to control even though we now know that they have no idea where those parts are, what they are, or how they work.

Yes, it certainly looks like the voters will reject this obscenely wealthy man called Romney — Romney of Michigan/Massachusetts/New Hampshire/Utah/Zurich/Grand Cayman — this man who will not explain exactly how all his wealth was obtained, where he keeps it, or how much taxes he pays on it. He wants to turn the clock back to the '50s – the 1850s – and he refuses to offer any specific plan about what he'll do about anything. He wants to run the country like a corporation but he can't even control one 82-year-old actor on his own convention stage, a Hollywood legend who, in the matter of ten and a half minutes went from Good (walking onto the stage) to Bad (talking to a chair) and then to Ugly (the chair started … swearing?). It was better than the best cat-flushing-the-toilet video on YouTube and it was a gift to all of us who know that Romney is doomed come November.

Or is he?

Last week, I said on the HuffPost Live webcast that we had all better start practicing how to say "President Romney" because, living in Michigan, I can tell you that there's trouble here on the two peninsulas and it's not just because Romney is a native son or that we like to watch kids from Cranbrook chase down gay kids and chop their hair off. One recent poll here showed Romney leading Obama by four points! How can that be? Didn't Obama save Detroit?

No, he didn't. He saved General Motors and Chrysler. "Detroit" (and Flint and Pontiac and Saginaw) are not defined by the global corporations who suck our towns dry and then split town to make more money elsewhere (except, of course, they continued to design and built crap cars, so eventually they didn't make the money at all). These cities in Michigan are about the people who live here, and in the process of "saving Detroit," Mr. Obama had to fire thousands of these people, and reduce the benefits and pensions of those who were left. There's a lot of pissed off people in Michigan (and Wisconsin and Ohio), people who weren't saved even though the corporation was. I'm just stating a fact, and those of you who don't live here should know this.

The other problem facing us this election (spoiler alert – angry white guys may want to stop reading right now) … is race. We all fear there's probably a good 40% of the country who simply do not want a black man in the Oval Office. In fact, in 2008, Obama lost the white vote. He lost every white age group except young people (18-29). And yet he still won by 10 million votes! The optimistic secret the Obama people know is that only about 70% of the voters in November will be white. So if he can win just 35-40% of them, and then get a massive majority of people of color, he can win re-election. There is no question in my mind that Obama is more popular than Romney and if everyone could vote from their couch like they do for American Idol, Obama would win hands down. As I have said before, we live in a liberal country. The majority of Americans (who do not call themselves "liberal") now support most of the liberal agenda – they're for gay marriage, they're pro-choice, they're anti-war, they believe there's global warming, and they hate Wall Street for what it has done to them and their neighbors. The Republicans know this: that we, the majority, will have sex when we want and with whom we want, will read and watch whatever we want when we want, will use marijuana if we want and if we don't want to then we certainly don't want our friends who do to be throw into prison. We are sick and tired of being poisoned, by chemicals or propaganda, we think the Palestinians have been given a raw deal and we want our friggin' jobs back! The Christian Right (and their Wall Street funders) know this all too well – America has turned, and there's no going back to not loving someone because of the color of their skin or expecting women to cede control of their bodies to a bunch of Neanderthals. So, what's a Rightie to do now that we've turned the joint into Sodom and G? They have to suppress the vote! They have to stop as many liberals from voting as possible. So they've passed many voter suppression laws to make it hard for the poor, the minorities, the disabled and students to vote. They honestly believe they call pull this off – and they just may. The only "positive" thing about this is that their need to have such laws in order to win the election is an admission on the part of the Republicans that they know the U.S. Is a liberal country and that the only way they can now win now is to cheat. Trust me, if they believed that America was a right-wing country they'd be passing laws making it so easy to vote you could do it in the checkout line at Walmart.

But the voting on November 6th will not take place at Walmart or on any potato's couch. It can only happen by going to a polling place – and, not to state the obvious, the side that gets the most people physically out to the polls that day, wins. We know the Republicans are spending tens of millions of dollars to make sure this very thing happens. They have built a colossal get-out-the-vote machine for election day, and the sheer force of their tsunami of hate stands ready to overwhelm us like nothing we've ever seen before. Those of us in the Midwest got a taste of it in 2008. Traditionally Democratic states – all of which voted for Obama – saw our state legislatures and governor seats hijacked by this well-oiled machine. We didn't know what hit us, but these new Republicans wasted no time in dismantling some of the very basic thing we hold dear. Wisconsin fought back – but even that huge grassroots uprising was not enough to stop the governor bought and paid for by the Koch brothers. It was a wake up call, for sure – but have we really woken up?

It's been a great week in Charlotte, and I'm getting ready now to watch Barack Obama give his speech. It's OK for us to take a couple days to high-five each other, but I cannot stress enough to you that unless you and I are doing something every day for the next 60 days to get people out to vote, then there is a chance we will all be saying "President Romney" come January. Don't think it can't happen. Hate, sad to say, at least in America these days, is a far greater motivator than love and feelin' groovy.

For those of us who believe that the history of the Democrats and the Republicans is to do the bidding of the 1% (Obama's #1 private contributor in '08 were the people at Goldman Sachs), and that while the Dems are a kinder/gentler bunch, they are also just as quick to want to take us to war and sell us out to the corporate interests (and, yes, Obamacare is a $$ gift to the insurance companies; only a single-payer system will stop that), this election is a bit of a bitter pill. We were hugely disappointed when President Obama didn't charge out of the gate after his inauguration and undo the damage that had been done (as FDR did in his first hundred days) – and only when Wall Street stopped writing him the big campaign checks this past year did he get his mojo back and start fighting the fight that needs to be fought. He's a good and decent person (when he's not sending in drones to kill Pakistani civilians or prosecuting government whistleblowers), and his election four years ago was a high point of such emotional intensity I just couldn't get over how hopeful I was that this country had changed and we had found our moral footing. Reality set in a few weeks later when he put Tim Geithner and Larry Summers in charge of economic policy and then he changed his mind about closing Gitmo.

OK, so people like me, just once in our lifetime, would like to get our way all the time! Is that too much to ask? Of course, there is a different question that is in the air now — shall we give the country back to the crowd who gave the country to the 1%? I think not. So let's join in with our liberal majority and be fierce and relentless in these next two months. Let's spend this time educating people what we mean when we say things like "single-payer" and "Blackwater." Politics and the fate of the nation (and the world – sorry, world) are on the front burner and those of us who want to wrestle control of our society out of the hands of the few can take healthy advantage of these coming weeks. Don't sit it out. Don't try to convince anyone Obama has magically transformed us – just tell them four years is simply not enough time to undo all the hurt caused by biggest economic crash since the Great Depression and the biggest military blunder/lie in our history.

I'm going to go with my optimistic side here (sorry, cynics, you know I love you) and imagine a Second Term Obama (and a Democratically-controlled Congress) who will go after all the good that our people deserve and put the power of our democracy back in our hands. There's good reason why the Right is terrified of a Second Term Obama because that is exactly what they think he'll do: the real Obama will appear and take us down the road to social justice and tolerance and a leveling of the economic playing field. For once, I'd like to say I agree with the Right – and I sincerely hope their worst nightmare does come true.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@MichaelMoore.com
mmflint
MichaelMoore.com

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Statement on the Presidential Race...

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 03:06:17 GMT

Ted Bundy was extremely charismatic. If he had run for President I have no doubt he would have gotten followers. Putting Romney in office is exactly like putting a serial killer in office, only the victims will be the institutions of this country as well as 99% of its inhabitants.

Obama is kowtowing to his Korporate sponsors, too - but at least he's not a Wall Street takeover wizard, whose ultimate goal is to bankrupt this country for the sake of a monied few.

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This is probably...

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 04:54:34 GMT

...going to keep happening for awhile. Some of this is old shit so if you don't want to read it again, skip over this entry....
( Read more... )

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Lifesaving Rain

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:26:13 GMT

Today - finally - all my prayers and entreaties were answered, and mama Chehooit and Sky God saw fit to collaborate and bring a nice little thunderstorm to us.

I think we've been in a temp inversion over the last two weeks. The significant difference today was a drop of the humidity - e.g., it went heavenward and formed clouds.

One nasty little cell was just northeast of us, churning away right by the mountains, and another formed above us, then joined with the first to give us a good downpour and more than a little lightning. Thunders, I heard you loud and clear and you did not sound happy.

Of course there's so much heat in the concrete and ground here that the temperature is once again rising. Right now it's 99 out there, which is a far cry from the 108 it was before the storm hit.

Maybe we'll be favored and get yet another storm tomorrow, helping to cool things back down. This hot streak is supposed to break by Monday though I see 105 forecasted on my weather bar...

In other news, I could care less about politics. Two things always get good people fighting with one another: Politics, and Religion. I know they're all liars so I go my own way, talk to my gods and goddesses, and do what good works I'm capable of. If I'm able to help the worsening situation on this planet, it will be by maintaining the attitude of finding beauty in all things and passing that on to others.

Interesting thing. Both M and I had pain up around our lower sinuses at the base of our heads - him on both sides, me on the right side. On top of it, I feel like I have a pulled muscle on the right side of my entire neck. I've been applying tiger balm, and heat when it's cool enough to do so, as well as meds. It still hurts but it isn't quite as bad as it's been.

Also, I'm getting swelling no matter how cool I keep myself. This happened in previous years as well, even though I was blessed with central air. The only thing I can figure is it's a reaction of my cartilages and other mutable tissues to the extremes in the weather, causing fluid retention.

My right knee got out of line and I wore my knee brace for several hours earlier today. The knee is repositioned but the swelling in the entire leg is still there.

I've managed to adapt to a higher level of heat than previously without having any obvious MS symptoms (though there's something always going on in my brain tissue...*sigh*). I can stand it well into the 80s...after that, if I can't get cool, I get sick.

You wouldn't think 16% humidity was much, but when you're out in the desert and it's 108 plus that degree of humidity - believe me when I tell you that you feel it.

At any rate...my sleeping schedule is all the heck screwed up. I've resorted to sleeping when my body wants it, and lately that's been after dark, which makes it far more comfortable as my little window A/C and the swamp cooler aren't overwhelmed.

Gotta see the shrink on Monday at 3 so sleeping at night is a good thing...

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21st Century Christianity

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 07:49:14 GMT

I grew up Christian, and I was Christian into my 30s.

What I was taught is not what is apparently being taught these days. I was taught that to be a Christian, one should be forgiving, generous, and help those who need help.

Then I hear about Chick-Fil-A and the controversy surrounding what the owner said about his company being run on "Christian Values" when asked about gays.

Um....

There is a brief statement in the Old Testament that says a man should not lay with another man. That is the entire foundation of the beliefs certain individuals and Churches possess and use against those who are gay, bisexual, transgender, or other-gender. Further research into the time that quote applied to reveals that the Jews were commanded to "go forth and multiply". Well, that can't happen in a gay relationship, can it? There is absolutely NOTHING in the New Testament that condemns other-than-heterosexual people to the fires of Hell. NOTHING. If you're going to take things literally, then take it literally where Jesus tells you that he brought a new Covenant to his people. The Old Testament is nothing more than reference.

We live in the United States of America, whose Founding Fathers laid down the rules that keep religion out of government, and yet, under Bush I and II, the separation of Church and State was eroded. As a result, we have scores of groups claiming to be Christian who are doing their best to influence how our government is run - all the way from the local to the federal. They have succeeded in twisting laws about abortion. They have succeeded in keeping gays and women second-class citizens. They have promulgated hatred against non-Aryan races, under the radar - and, oddly enough - have gotten members of some of those races to go along with them. It's a twisted and sick picture that I see, and one that makes me very glad to have walked away from Christianity, if that's what it means to be Christian these days.

This is the 21st Century and our culture is forever evolving. The way I see it, people like I'm talking about seek to keep things "the way they were" because they're afraid of anything they don't understand.

My "god" wouldn't allow non-hetero people if they weren't meant to be here. Perhaps it is our species' way of cutting down population. Perhaps we're evolving, as a species, into something that isn't so neatly divided as "male" and "female". It sure looks that way, if you turn off the TV, and the radio, and put down the newspaper and just think about it, in your head, by yourself, without other "voices" trying to influence your opinion.

I am of a dying breed; true Free Thinkers are rare these days. I was brought up to question, to research, never to take anything at face value. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that "Christianity" as put forth by "popular culture" is not something I would ever want to be identified with. It teaches that women should be pregnant, barefoot, and chained to the stove, rather than fulfilling their human potential as they see it. It teaches that a woman's reproductive organs are domionion of men, and subject to men's regulation. It teaches that if I am anything but one gender and a heteroseuxal one at that, there's something wrong with me, and I'm going to Hell for it. It does not give any wriggle room for anything outside of Black and White.

It's totally unrealistic, and I refuse to have anything to do with it.

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Cookin' With Gas!

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 22:16:56 GMT

The gas man finally got out here today and turned the gas on. Everything works except for the furnace; it's missing the thermal coupler. That can be set aside till closer to fall.

I called Blanca today - it turns out the lil shit who showed up on Friday was supposed to replace our faucet, not just look at it. He also didn't mount my door and he was supposed to do that too. She's sending someone tomorrow morning between 8 and 9.

JR had come by this weekend. Nothing much has been unpacked but he rearranged things so that we now have a nice open area and all boxes can be reached.

This weather has been driving my body nuts. Last week it was 110; today it got up to only 85 and it was 57 last night. I went to bed feeling ill but I feel better today.

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The Lost Week

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 05:05:57 GMT

I am calling this "the lost week" simply because it was too damned hot to do anything, even indoors.

It got SO hot early in the week (high on Monday was 110) that the swamp cooler was overwhelmed and no matter what you did, it was warm in the house. The thermometer on my little window a/c unit in the bedroom was reading mid-to-high 80s.

Then, the monsoonal moisture moved in, and the humidity shot up outside - once again defeating the swamp cooler. I was cool but damp all over.

Then this evening the weather switched entirely and my joints all said UGH, as well as my sinuses.

Sandy is hopefully coming over tomorrow and he and M can start sorting out the jumble of belongings occupying our living and dining room. I don't anticpate doing very much because just thinking about it makes my back hurt (literally).

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Dog days in the desert

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:01:34 GMT

Yesterday was horrendous. It was 110F out there, and our swamp cooler just got overwhelmed.

On top of it we thought two of our cats had escaped. We had a piece of cardboard wedged in the window next to the air conditioner in my room and when Michael came to turn it on early in the afternoon, the cardboard was on the floor. I did a couple of turns around the house in the heat and it didn't take much to overwhelm me. Thankfully, both were still in the house. Smart kitties!

We haven't unpacked much yet, between trying to heal and the heat. Hopefully we can get to more of it soon.

Right now it is a refreshing 93F outside with rain moving in. Been praying for the rain, because it'll break this hot spell.

Other than that, I've been slowly healing from the move. Sleeping a lot. Chilling a lot. Watching the neighbors from our tiny porch (it's big enough for one small chair).

I had to laugh yesterday. I was out there, having a cig, when the neighbor's puppy decided to visit me. He's really goofy, looks like some sort of akita mix, with blue eyes; his right eye looks goofed up. Other than the eyes, he's coal black with a white spot on the chest. He sits on my little porch and literally leans against the wall. I had to yell to the kids to come get him.

A little while later, one of the boys came and knocked on my door to ask me if I had a son (obviously to come play with them). I was sad to tell him I don't.

Taking it easy today after sleeping over 12 hours and hoping the rain washes away the heat wave.

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Thoughts from A New Place

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 11:07:30 GMT

We've only been here a couple of days but already I like this place much better than the other place.

For one, it's filled with TREES. Trees of several different varieties. Just in our area alone I've identified cottonwoods, possibly poplars, different kinds of pine. This has made us both realize how sterile the other place was. If a resident didn't plant it, there wasn't much of anything. We were lucky there in having a fairly old-growth tree growing in our neighbor's yard that overhung their fence. While the lots are larger there, they are generally filled with nothing. Our old neighbors across the street were lucky enough to "inherit" several trees and other foliage, but they've neglected it all since moving in. I'm glad I won't be around to watch things slowly die off, anymore.

It's very quiet here as well. Even with Independence Day coming up, I've heard relatively little in the way of fireworks. A few large rockets. A Roman Candle here and there. Small fircrackers set off in strings. For the most part, it's been quiet and quite peaceful.

We're still near enough to the train to hear it but that's true for a goodly share of residents in this town. I don't hear the highway like I used to, though if the wind switches to the right direction I can hear the noisier big rigs and occasional motorcycle. Nothing like where we were living before.

This place is more real somehow, perhaps because most of the residents aren't what I'd term relatively well-off. From what I've seen so far, we have a lot of working families, disabled people, and others on fixed incomes. Though some of the mobile homes are in rough shape I don't get a sense of dread or danger, probably because the "lower elements" have enough sense not to do bad things right where they live. They also have security out here and just the other night, I saw one of their number rolling through.

This is a gated community which means not every tom, dick or mary can just come waltzing through. They need a clicker, need to be able to be let in by someone in the park, or have to follow a resident in. Granted, some could simply follow someone else in but it doesn't seem to be that big of a problem.

I feel at peace here in a way I didn't ever feel at the other place, and a lot has to do with the owners and the residents that are here. Nobody is pretentious. Nobody is, pardon the expression, "lily white", if you know what I mean. Sure, some folks have nicer digs and nicer cars but I don't get the impression of anyone feeling they're so much better than anyone else.

Residency is a very mixed bag of white, spanish american, african american. I haven't seen any asian yet but they could be here. It's a cornucopia and I like that.

This place is big enough that it could be considered a small town of its own and I feel like we fit right in. Some people referred to us as "hippies" at the other place; I have the feeling that nobody would ever say that about us here.

Even the cats seem to be more relaxed.

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We are moved.

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 10:14:48 GMT

We're moved in. Finished up cleaning at the old place Sunday. Now we're waiting to get a hold of the lawyer to turn the keys in; we've called and called and nobody has answered.

Shriveled old lady thinks we're paying lot rent for July and I have news for her: We were out on the 30th. We slept in our new digs on the 30th. The only reason anyone was back at that house on the 1st was to make sure the standard of cleaning complied with our court agreement.

She can kiss my royal ass.

Both M and I are in pretty rough shape. It's mostly physical but there's some mental, too. We have a sea of boxes but I'm sure after a few days rest we'll be able to start unpacking. I've already gotten some little stuff out and into cabinets.

We're waiting for them to turn on the gas; in the meantime, very short, cold showers are the the order of the day. BRISK! Good thing we have a microwave or we wouldn't be able to cook at all.

Furbabies are all doing well and liking their new digs.

The repairmen still have some work to do but for the most part we're doing okay.

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Movin'

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 20:42:01 GMT

Well, we found a rental. It isn't the most elegant place, but it's nice, and it has a fireplace. We go tomorrow to do a walk-through and see all what has to be fixed before we move in, hopefully right before July 1st. If we can get in before July 1, we won't have to pay the grizzled old lady a dime.

We also found out that she's now responsible for the lot rent, according to our park manager.

We're moving into a HUGE park (something like 350 units). Our house is on the very back of the lot and both lots aside of it are empty. They have cable there, so we can also ditch our unreliable DSL. If we have to, we'll get the business plan, just to make sure we don't hit any caps, because word has it that Comcast will terminate you if you hit their cap even once.

It has a swamp cooler, which I'm not very thrilled about. I still have the window air conditioner from my house in Wisconsin, and that cooled 800 square feet fairly well, so we can supplement with it if we need to. All I know is we ran around in the heat yesterday (park owner wanted to show us ALL the units, even though we said we'd already decided on the last one) and then I sat in their swamp-cooled office and didn't really get any relief till I got home into A/C. We might do the "floor unit" type of air conditioner too. In other words, we do have options.

My room isn't big enough for my bed and my computer so I get to set up out in the living room. There are tall windows on the front, with smaller crank-out windows with screens in them. It's going to be fantastic for ventilation.

The outside is kind of beat up but we aren't buying the place and the owner is responsible for all repairs. We are going tomorrow morning to sign the lease, pay our deposits, and take a walk-through to see what has to be fixed up prior to moving in.

The owner would like us to buy the place but it's old and it's seen better days. Out of the three we looked at however, it was in the best shape. The other two were dumps in my opinion and I wouldn't have lived in them.

I love the fireplace. I love the open floorplan in front with the living room and kitchen, and I especially love those front windows. I don't mind a few dings here and dents there, as long as everything is safe and works.

We have to get a gas dryer - they don't do electrical dryers. The cheapest I've found for the size we need is 539.00 at Lowe's. It's a Whirlpool, which is the "root" brand of Sears Kenmore. I've had Kenmore appliances for years and years. Our current washer/dryer set are roughly 16 years old and I've had exactly one maintenance call, and that was at the very beginning when I did something stupid and it wouldn't drain. They're tough and worth every penny.

I am DEFINITELY looking forward to cooking with gas, again. I don't like cooking with electric nearly as much.

It also doesn't have a microwave. I have a very old one but I'd like to get a newer one. I'm somewhat suspicious of the old one using too much electricity and leaking too many microwaves.

All I know is my mind is now at rest. We have a place to go, and we have folks that will help us move there.

Whew.

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Bette Goldenring

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 01:08:18 GMT

I have been reading, with some interest, the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, Ph.D.

It isn't that I've never encountered sociopaths before. Hell - my biological father was one. One of my boyfriends in adult life was one, and one of my husbands was one. Yet another, a female, shook me down for $56,000 and sent me into bankruptcy. I've had more than my share of pain from sociopathic individuals.

So today I go to the web and do some research on Bette Goldenring. What I find does not speak of a sociopath at all, but a woman who is very concerned about the downtrodden around her, even as she lives in a bright, beachside home with a spectacular view of the ocean.

She is also not poor; further research reveals a "Goldenring Trust" which likely includes funds as well as real estate (found a house in Nevada listed under the Trust).

She is also involved in Habitat for Humanity - an organization that usually assists people just like me.

For all intents and purposes, you'd say she's a Pillar of her Community as well as a Philanthropist and Generous. She joined the Peace Corps in her 60s, and helped teach Hungarians - MY people - English. She's been involved in Habitat for Humanity projects down in Mexico; in fact, that's the only picture I found of the woman, one taken when she was involved in a project in Mexico.

I am sorry but I am going to be the one to put a real dent in her Do-Gooder armor: When it comes down to the wire, Bette Goldenring can be as un-generous, and unforgiving as they come.

On June 14, she secured ownership of our home and we have to be out before July 31 or face further court action. She couldn't even be bothered to show up and let me face my accuser. The only visual I have of her is this skinny, grizzled old woman in a kerchief on a building site in Mexico.

She managed this with nothing but a flimsy piece of paper, which claims the note was passed to her a month after we signed the security agreement with Buenaventura Capital. I know she didn't have that note in January 2007. We didn't hear her name until sometime in 2010 when Norman Flam sent us a handwritten note on old stationary telling us to pay her.

Norman is a classic sociopath but Bette is not. Yet she has a temper and likely harangued him for the money he borrowed from her till he finally said "here, I bought this house with it". She had the audacity to call Michael a "bully" when he pressed her during a phone conversation to come up with something a bit more businesslike and legal before we would begin paying her.

With her "worldly" experience, and having been the spouse of a lawyer, as well as the mother of one, certainly Mrs. Goldenring knows that business is NOT conducted simply with a handwritten note or a piece of paper with an unattributed signature. And yet - she pushed me out of this house with nothing more.

I wonder if she's done this to other people and if they have stories to tell like I do.

One thing I can say is that all the good works in the world won't make up for the harm she's done to Michael and I over this manufactured home. She's conveniently assigned us to "numbers" more or less by never seeing our faces but that does not diminish the harm she has caused - AND it does not diminish how she's gone against the teachings of the Torah, the Holy Book central to her Faith.

No amount of helping itinerant foreigners will make up for the harm she's caused in her own back yard, figuratively speaking.

Don't worry, Mrs. Goldenring. You'll get your manufactured home. Then you can talk to Norman Flam about the condition it's in. No, we aren't talking about the routine cleaning you'll have to have done once we move. We're talking about it not being mounted properly, causing structural damage you now have to cope with and the fact that the housing market is so depressed that even if you "patch it up" again like Norman did, you still won't get the 78K out of it that you handed that sociopath.

The damage you've caused two disabled people, who wanted nothing but a secure roof over their heads, will go on. In your dreams, you won't be able to escape what damage you have caused. No amount of helping poor Hungarians, Mexicans, or anyone else will make up for the permanent damage you have done to us. No amount of gazing out on your ocean view will be a balm to you, Mrs. Goldenring. Where was your sympathy when you heard we were both disabled and on fixed incomes? Where was your forgiveness? We tried our best to work something out with you but you wouldn't give us the time of day. You couldn't even be troubled to show up in court and face me, the primary person you were displacing, who DID show up, with help of a quad cane. In the intervening days, my legs have gotten worse, and for all the helpless souls you have aided, you couldn't find it in your heart to help one more. One who happens to be of Jewish Hungarian ancestry, which makes your work with my Brethren all that more ludicrous. Just because I have a white face and live in the USA doesn't make me any less deserving of your compassion, Mrs. Goldenring. Think about that when the ghosts assail you in the middle of the night, shaming you for not showing compassion when it would have meant the most.

P.S. You really screwed up this time, Mrs. Goldenring. You could've aided us and made us your Poster Children for Helping the Disabled. Instead we will always be a Big Black Mark on your otherwise spotless record.

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Agreement

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 21:58:27 GMT

We had to go to Mojave, but thankfully it was a short court appearance. No, Ms. Goldenring did not show up, but her lawyer did, and boy did he look sheepish when he took one look at me with my cane and the fact that I was visibly shaking.

Pisses me off that she didn't show up. I wanted a gander at this 88yo woman who was making my life a living hell. I also wanted her to see me, so I ceased to be an abstraction to her.

We have an agreement. Be out by July 31, leave the place "broom clean". Easy enough to do, we just have to find the local dump. Our neighbor Sandy and his sister are going to help us.

Now I take the rest of the day off.

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Random

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 02:44:03 GMT

We have court tomorrow. Nothing more to be said except it will be a miracle if I don't fall apart beforehand. That is all.

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Ahhh, childhood memories...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 12:59:59 GMT

I really miss this guy and it's too bad there isn't a show like this on TV nowadays for kids to make happy memories with...

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I think my doc hates me

Fri, 18 May 2012 23:19:11 GMT

I think I offend her, because I refuse to go on a statin or anything else. I also refuse to see a nutritionist, and NOW is not the time to quit smoking.

At any rate...she gave me antibiotics but refused to give me a diuretic even though every other doctor I've seen about this problem in the past, has. She "wants to make sure it's my heart first." Did an EKG, came out normal - not even a hint of my on-again off-again atrial arrhythmias. I probably inherited my ticker from my father who managed to abuse his till it finally gave out at 62. Drinking and weighing 500lbs will do that. I mean it; the man made me look positively skinny at 296lbs.

That's 296 with roughly 20-40lbs extra water weight, so that means I did lose weight and it wasn't a case of the waistband on my shorts wearing out.

She says to me "So what is the problem today?" I said "Renal failure?" She said "Why do you think that?" I held out my legs, which right now, look about as big as two stovepipes, and said "Well, look!".

SHE couldn't manage to get a pit in the edema but then again, she didn't push long enough for the fluid to move and MAKE the pit. I can get pits just fine.

They did get all excited when I answered most of their PTSD questions with a "yes". I had to add that I knew I had PTSD but it was security-related, not combat-related. The nurse asked if I wanted to see a shrink and I told her I already had one, just need to make a new appointment.

If it isn't my heart doing this then I have no clue what it could be. Kidneys infected? NO clue. Hopefully if it IS infection-related, the antibiotics will clear it out.

In the meantime I am sitting sideways to my desk, with my cordless keyboard across my knees, with my legs on a chair, waiting for M to return with my antiobiotics so I can take some then get some sleep.

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Not a Good Day

Fri, 18 May 2012 19:40:50 GMT

Today, I find myself rather ill and more than a little concerned for my heart.

I have a tooth infection that abscesses. I break the abscess, wash out all the gook, hit it with mouthwash and peroxide, then I'm good for about a week. Except -

It is now in my system. I can feel it in my upper jaw, there's slight pressure in both ears, and at the base of my head. My lower sinuses keep gooping up.

Starting last week I began having periods of leg swelling. I've had this before but not for a number of years. I didn't worry about it before because I'd go to bed, the fluid would wash out of my system, and I'd get up the next day peeing like a racehorse. This time I'm worried because I've already had one bout where it did NOT clear overnight and today it's really bad, to the point my lower legs look like sausages.

I had called the VA clinic two days ago and they said they would try to get me in, only to call me back while I was sleeping and tell me I would have to make the 70-mi-one-way trip down to Sepulveda and see a dentist. The next day I was so tired I didn't bother calling them back. When I saw how bad my legs were today, I called right away in the morning, explained patiently that a 140-mile round trip wasn't necessary just to have a dentist put me on antibiotics and send me home - and besides, my legs look like sausages.

She got me an appt for 2:15. This means I won't get any sleep beforehand, but that's ok, I can sleep all I want afterward. I rather stay up and go get the drugs I need to get the swelling under control than ignore it and risk a possible heart attack because all this fluid is very hard on my heart, regardless of its original cause.
===
Last night M and I talked. Even though we have to start paying our loans back in June and we aren't even moved yet, we're doing ok. We've been very conservative with the money and have managed to save a little more than we borrowed. That means we have a war chest to pay the lawyer to fight this and buy us time.

At this point, we are also seriously talking about suing Ms. Goldenring after the fact - especially with my system finally saying "enough" and going completely haywire. Hell - I even spotted a little and I haven't menstruated in nearly a year. I can feel this affecting my MS and that worries me even more because I've started having trouble walking.

I don't want to know what my blood pressure is right now.

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The Second Self

Mon, 14 May 2012 14:48:19 GMT

Second Self

Definition

"The term Second Self is a way of describing one's online or external identity. In the case of the web, one's online identity evolves in tandem with offline self. This self, instead of simply a secondary self, is becoming an extension of the self. In the same way that the primary, offline self needs to shower, dress, and maintain the self, so does the online self.

Psychologist and sociologist Sherry Turkle wrote about intense change experienced in the way we use and view computers. For instance, she wrote, "we no longer give “commands” to a machine; we enter into dialogues, navigate simulated worlds, and create virtual realities. Further, the psychological holding power of the computer is no longer limited to one-on-one person/machine interaction. Millions of people now interact with one another via computers on networks, where they have the opportunity to talk, to exchange ideas and feelings, and to assume personae of their own creation".[1] Increasingly, actions upon one's extended self by others directly affect the analog self. For instance, if one posts a piece of content online through their extended self, comments on that post will induce a physiological response in the content creator. Conversely, if no one responds to the post, the content creator may feel isolated or distressed, as if they had spoken in a room with their friends and had not been paid attention to. "

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Random

Mon, 14 May 2012 06:24:14 GMT

Today I spent thinking about how things change, how they stay the same, and how I don't feel as old as I am.

As of Tuesday, I'll be 52. "52" to me is old, stodgy, prudish. I'm none of those things and I doubt I ever will be. I look at my face in the mirror and ask "How did you get this old? Why does it feel like you've missed out on so much?"

I feel like I have so much more life to live...and, as long as I am walking this earth, I plan to live it.

That is...once I get a high-and-mighty bitch off my back. I have been avoiding wrangling with the credit bureaus after finding out that nothing I paid off cleared in a month as expected. It really twists my nose out of shape that they're quick to slap a debt on there and so damned slow (if ever) to take it off.

I think "How did I get here in this situation?" There are times I regret moving out of my house in Green Bay. I could've refinanced the mortgage, paid off all of my bills, put in new windows and a new garage door, put on a roof, and had Keith re-floor the kitchen and living room for me. That house was MINE and nobody could take it away...not like now. I guess the only thing that can be said is I got taken advantage-of and the nightmare isn't over, yet.

Never, since I purchased my first house in 1986, have I faced a situation where I could be thrown out of my house. Not. Once. I've always paid my housing, above and beyond any other bill I had. I have three paid-off mortgages under my belt.

But none of that matters, now. I wanted to move out west and I'm here. I got caught in a tough situation in 2006 and ended up the victim of a predatory lender, who borrowed money to purchase this place when he already owned it. Instead of working out a deal with me, he elected to foist this place off on the person he conned the money out of, and even though she doesn't have clear title to it, she thinks she can evict me.

Security has always been a central issue for me, starting back in my teens. I wasn't so much affected by my father skipping out on us, as by my mother suddenly becoming a raging, violent alcoholic. She'd always been my anchor in chaos and when she turned on me, I lost that. Even so, I didn't start displaying PTSD symptoms till after Rhod pulled what he did on me. He came home on a Wednesday and handed me his paycheck as usual. He came home the following night and informed me he was moving out and he needed the check back so he could rent a place. Just. Like. That. I found out later it was because his girl-on-the-side refused to part her legs till he moved out on me. Then I found out even later that he'd married me because all his friends told him not to.

*thunk*

I became a hermit for the next 4 years and about the only person I saw was my friend Keith, who refused to let me remain a hermit. Of course, when I stopped being a hermit I was thrown into another bad situation, but that's another story. Let's put it this way: Nobody gets to sit me on a chair and belittle me in front of others, ever again. Nobody gets to trap me and try to force me to make a decision in their favor, ever again.

Then there was M and T. M and I had stopped any sort of physical relationship pretty much since right before I moved west, but a part of me still hoped that something would change. Then T came along, and got invited in, and got everything I'd sat and hoped-for for the past some-odd years. I was devastated. I was angry. I was jealous, and I had cause. It threw me into such a state that my online relationship suffered and then fell apart. Suddenly I was alone and didn't feel I had anyone. Again. PTSD? That's an understatement.

Yes, I came through it and yes, M and I are still companions, albeit without any physical romance. Yes, I got back together with my online beau. Things sailed along just fine until we were dumb enough to put up the Oathbreaker, who then proceeded to steal us blind.

I am still angry over the loss of my family's years-long collection of silver coins but I know I'll never see them again.

Then, just as soon as we get rid of her for good, here comes the Holier-than-Thou-Runs-Off-To-Help-Impoverished-In-Mexico. Obviously she was "taken care of" from her birth all the way through her marriage, because she doesn't have a lick of horse sense. Yes, she ran off and joined the Peace Corps in her 60s, but so what? For all intents and purposes, she did it for the prestige. She may think of herself as altruistic but that altruism ends when it comes to a low-income, disabled person right under her own nose. I tried to work with the woman but because she doesn't have clear title to this mobile home, we were advised to ignore her. Well...she got herself one of the worst lawyers in the area and decided to sue to evict me from a house she doesn't even own. When her lawyer began his harassment I was thrown into PTSD again like there's no tomorrow, until I realized that the papers he was pasting on our front door weren't worth the ink they were printed with. And yet...here I am, and I will lose this house. I could fight for it and probably win, but why? Crack in the roof lets in rain and now there's mold in M's closet. The toilet in the front bathroom was never repaired correctly, resulting in some minor floor damage and a toilet that has to be flushed with a bucket. The cheap carpeting they put on the front steps wore out within a couple of years, and has had to be cut off and prepped for painting. I could go on, but what's the point?

The only point I hoped to make is that my basic security has been an issue for me for most of my life and no matter how many antidepressants I take or counseling I get, it always will be, until I am finally, once again, in a house I can call mine that isn't going to be taken away as long as I pay the mortgage...which I will always do, faithfully.

I do miss green. I was looking at a friend's pictures from Oshkosh, WI and sighing because everything is moist and green. I sincerely wish we could move somewhere where I can have that again but chances are we're going to either stay in this park or move to the one two parks down. Still in the desert, where everything is pretty much brown. I want green. I can still remember my friend from San Diego coming to visit us in Wisconsin years ago and remarking, time and again, how green everything was.

Ah well...I'm off to play a game. Enough thinking for one night.

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A clarification

Thu, 10 May 2012 18:59:36 GMT

I should make something clear lest I piss off friends and other readers -

I am not antisemetic. In fact, I'm part Jew.

My problem with Bette Goldenring is not that she's Jewish - it's that she acts like her heritage makes her somehow better than I am.

I don't care if you're Jewish, white, black, Christian, or a worshipper of the Great Spaghetti Monster - however, if you try to say that your heritage or beliefs make you better than I am - THEN I have a problem with you.

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Oh!

Thu, 10 May 2012 00:16:05 GMT

There's something else which came to light...

Prior to us moving in here, the Carrillo family lived here. We still occasionally get junk mail for both the husband and the wife.

If Norman "borrowed" 78K from Bette to "buy" this home - he defrauded her because he already OWNED this home. That also may prove to be a rather interesting point to kick around in court.

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